Catherine E. Ryan

Charles

When I began to develop my relationship with a camera and using that it to exploring my relationships through its lens, men were largely absent. I didn’t have my first date until almost 18 and it was over after two weeks with a 3-year gap after that before beginning again. Instead, relationships with my girlfriends were what I truly cherished and what I chose to focus my lens on. My life lacked males to photograph outside my family.

My senior year of college I began dating my first ever boyfriend, Charles. Naturally I began to photograph him as well, as I did with any important person in my life. But, I quickly discovered that I wasn’t as comfortable photographing him and I was my girlfriends. I felt awkward and amateurish and my shots lacked the intimacy I normally aimed for. I began to realize I wasn’t comfortable because I was experiencing something so new that I was essentially starting over. So I pushed through it and kept photographing, determined to capture the same feelings present in those of my friend Sam.

After my graduation I moved to his place on his family’s farm, with plans to save and move to NYC together. Soon after our relationship ended abruptly and the series terminated with it.